Laying it Bare After a Loss Page 18

  “Hey, we’ll work through that together. You have me, Trinity.” I reached out my hand to tug her to me.

  But she shoved her own up to halt my actions. Shaking her head, more tears rolled down her cheeks. “And I know deep down.” Hiccupped sob. “Way deep down.” Another hiccupped sob. “Under all of my insecurities.” Tugging her hands through her hair, she tried to catch her breath to finish her thought. “I know it’s irrational but I can’t help but be worried you might try to take my baby from me.”

  Fuck this keeping my distance. I stalked over to her and gathered her into my arms, peppering the top of her head with kisses. “You will never have to worry about that with me.”

  “Deep down I know that but I can’t push away this devastating fear.” She cried into my shirt, her sobs shaking her entire body. “I’ve been a mess these last few days.”

  “I’ll relinquish my rights to our baby. I’ll have a hard time getting them back, but I’ll do it.” The words tasted acidic on my tongue but I’d do anything for her. Even as overwhelming sadness washed over me. “I don’t want to do that and I would never take our child away from you but if it will help you deal with this, I know the hurt you’ve been through, I’ll do it. I’ll do it because I love you, Trinity.” The words flowed out so easily. I had known for a while just was hesitant to let her know for fear I’d scare her away. But she was already frightened so it couldn’t possibly cause any more damage.

  She leaned back and stared at me, her face frozen and unreadable.

  “I love you and if that scares you and you try to run, I’ll just give chase. I’ve chased you before; I’ll do it again. You need to know how I’m feeling.”

  “What?” Her face reanimated.

  “I said I’ll chase you. I’m not giving you up.”

  “No, before that.” Her eyes widened.

  I smirked. “I love you.”

  “Oh my God. You love me? I’ve been so afraid to tell you I love you because I didn’t think it was possible you loved me. I love you, too.”

  Cupping her damp cheeks in my hands, I fused our mouths together, and kissed her like the world was coming to an end. Her arms wound around my shoulders and when her mouth opened on a moan, I dove in and conquered, swirling our tongues together and swallowing every sexy groan and sigh. Releasing her lips, I leaned my forehead against hers. “God, I love you so much, Trinity. How could it not be possible to love you? And I’ve missed you. Not just the sex, but I did miss that, but being with you, going to bed with you, waking up beside you, doing things with you. I missed having you sprawled across my chest in the mornings. You were like my own personal weighted blanket.” I shot her a playful grin.

  She released a short chuckle. “I still don’t know why or how the hell I do that. But once my belly starts getting round, that won’t happen. I wonder how I’ll end up in the mornings then.”

  Picturing her belly swollen, carrying our child, had my heart warming and my dick hardening. “I can’t wait to find out and am glad I can be around to enjoy it. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong and was so worried you just gave up on us. I was going insane missing you and it was only a few days.”

  “I’ve missed you too, like crazy. But I didn’t know how to deal with this news. And my brain took me down an awful memory lane I never want to revisit. And seriously, what are the odds.” She took a step back but kept her arms around my shoulders. “What is wrong with me? Does my vagina reject condoms; purposely rip holes in them?” The exasperated look on her face was adorable.

  I kissed her nose. “Nothing is wrong with you. And your vagina is perfect. My dick says so.” I waggled my eyebrows at her. “But maybe this is fate. Because I won’t do anything to endanger our child. I can’t tell you how much I love saying that.” I ran the back of my fingers across her cheek. “But this is going to be a happy experience for you. So that I don’t freak you out any more, we’ll keep things the way that they are and when you are comfortable we’ll talk about next steps. We don’t need to hash out things right this instant. But you’re it for me, Trinity.” At that moment, I had wanted to ask her to move in with me – although would be content with continuing our current sleeping arrangement, as it was the next best thing – but chose to give her some breathing room. As long as she was in my life, the other things would fall into place in their own time.

  “Thank you for that. You’re it for me too, but one major thing at a time. I’m still reeling from this one. But I feel one hundred percent better now that we’ve talked. Sorry, I was pushing you away and ignoring you.” Her lips pulled down into a frown.

  I rubbed my thumb along her bottom lip. “It’s okay. It was incredibly frustrating because . . . well no big deal, but now I understand what you were going through. I wish you would’ve let me help you sooner but I’m here now and that’s all that matters.”

  “Come here. I want to show you something.”

  “Cheeky, I know we have a lot of making up to do but let me get you dinner first.”

  “Not that.” Giggling, she knocked into my shoulder. “At least not at the moment.” She grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway before stopping in front of the door next to her room. Her expression sobered. “I want to show you Ben’s room. I wasn’t ready to before.” She twisted and locked eyes with me. “I’m ready to let you into the final part of my heart. You had pretty much wormed your way in from our first non-drunk encounter.” She gave me a warm smile. “But that was just my part. I’m ready to let you into the part that will forever hold my son.” Taking a deep breath, she slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside, tugging me with her. Then she stood stock still as if she were afraid to move a muscle. I wasn’t even sure she was still breathing.

  A single bed – not a toddler one – sat over by the wall closest to her room and a Cookie Monster comforter covered it. His walls were a warm bright blue, very boyish and cheery. A small dresser sat on the opposite side of the room with a package of diapers resting on top. In the far corner, a small white toy box had the lid propped open with a few toys peeking out.

  Coming up right behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and ducked my head so that my mouth was to her ear. “He has a very nice room.” I kept my words quiet because it felt as if they needed to be, anything louder would have been disrespectful. “He was a very lucky boy to have you.”

  “Thank you. I was very lucky to have him too.” Her voice grew watery.

  Twisting her in my arms, I tunneled my hands into her hair and massaged the back of her neck. “You are an amazing person. I’m incredibly lucky to have you and your love.”

  “I count myself pretty damn lucky I met you too. I never would have thought I’d have something like this. All of this. Love from a great guy, having another baby.” Her face grew pensive. Placing her hand on her flat tummy, she stared up at me. “What if we have a boy and I try to replace Ben? Or what if it’s a girl and I wish it were a boy?”

  I wrapped her into my arms and kissed the crown of her head. “You won’t do either. You are tough and such a loving person that you will just be overjoyed to get to be a mom to another child. And our child is going to be so lucky to have you. You will shower our baby with so much love and attention, he or she will never doubt being our treasure.” We stood in Ben’s room for a few minutes in silence and I was definitely overcome with a heartfelt feeling as if I had been allowed into a secret special place, no one other than Charity had ever been granted even a glimpse. And I wasn’t only talking about the room itself. But the memories she held deep inside her heart.

  I gave her a little squeeze. “Even though it was our turn to spend the night at your place, I don’t want to leave you even for twenty minutes while I run home for some stuff. Do you want to come over to my place instead? I’ll order us in some dinner and we can sit out on the deck, or watch some television, or go out for a movie.”

  Leaning back, she gifted me with a genuine smile. “I could be persuaded to leave my house for the night.�
� Slipping her hand into mine, she pulled me back out into the hallway. “Although it doesn’t matter whose bed, mine or yours, as long as you’re there with me. I didn’t like sleeping alone either these past few days. Sorry I made it that we had to.”

  “You needed some space.” Cupping her cheeks, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “But I hope you know you’re not alone anymore. You’re stuck with me. Lean on me any time you need. We’re a team now and I don’t want you to think you have to face anything on your own ever again.”

  She placed her hands on top of mine. “I’ll try to remember that. This is all so new for me. I haven’t had anyone I could count on, other than Charity, for the last five years. It’s a little strange to turn to someone else for help. But I’m glad I can turn to you.”

  “Always. Now go pack a bag so we can get some dinner. I’m starving. And you’re eating for two now. And make sure you pack enough for the entire weekend.” I swatted her ass.

  Letting out a little yelp, she dashed into her room.

  I stood in the doorway as she rummaged through her drawers and closet and shoved articles of clothing into her bag. I smiled to myself when she folded a sundress and placed it on top of her other clothes. I loved it when she wore sundresses, whether I was taking her out or we were going to the bar to meet up with our friends. “Bring along a pair of pants too. I’m thinking of taking you on a nice hiking trail I found several months ago. We can head out late morning and then picnic there for lunch.”

  “I think that sounds like fun. I haven’t been out in nature like that in a long time. Hey, you know you can come in to my room. It’s not like you haven’t been in here before.” She shot me a saucy smirk as she brushed past me on her way to her bathroom.

  “If I get near your bed, I’m going to toss you onto it and sink my cock balls deep inside of you. I’ve missed you like crazy but we need to eat dinner first. I’ll have you for dessert.”

  She popped her head out of her bathroom. “It’s not like that’s the only place we can have sex. We’ve already proven that.” She nibbled on her bottom lip as her eyes went wide. Then she ducked back into the bathroom.

  I couldn’t hold in my chuckle. “I definitely nicknamed you well, Cheeky. Get a move on so we can get dinner and then I can have you.”

  She scurried back into her room, dumped her travel bag into her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and then marched up to me. “Fast enough?”

  Tunneling my hands through her hair, I pressed my mouth to hers in a thorough and shamelessly hearty kiss. “God, I love you and that cheeky sass of yours. Ready then?”

  “Yes.” She grinned up at me, her eyes twinkling with mischief. Then I followed her down the hall to the front door and on out to my truck.

  Once inside, I twisted to face her. “Are you craving anything in particular for dinner? I’ll order and we can pick it up on our way to my place. I’ll cook for us tomorrow night but to save on time today, we can grab take out.”

  Releasing a little giggle, she rolled her eyes. “I’m actually hungry for a steak and baked potato with sour cream.”

  “I think I just fell in love with you a little more.” I winked at her. “I know the perfect place that grills them to perfection.” I pulled out my phone, placed our order, and then steered my truck in the direction of the scenic way home. My stomach released a few minor growls but it was so worth it to get dinner from Taylor’s Sizzling Grill. Especially since it was something Trinity was craving. The extended drive was mostly quiet but I loved every minute of it. I had been so worried I had lost Trinity but to discover I not only hadn’t lost her but was gaining a child, I was practically vibrating with excitement. I loved her and she loved me and I had something I was pretty certain just months ago I believed I would never find.

  When I hopped back into the truck with a huge brown bag containing our dinners, Trinity inhaled deeply and moaned.

  “That smells amazing. But I feel bad because I know they had to have been expensive.”

  “First of all nothing is too expensive for the girl I love who is carrying my baby. And secondly I would eat this every night if I didn’t have to drive so far for it.”

  She gifted me with a beautiful smile. “I love you too. And not just because you buy me amazing smelling food I’m craving. But that sure doesn’t hurt.” Her grin grew playful.

  After dropping a kiss on her lips, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of home.

  Once we were settled at the bar with our dinner on plates in front of us, we dug in.

  “This just melts in your mouth.” She groaned around her first bite.

  “I told you it was worth the long trip home and extra money.” I put a piece in my mouth and savored the taste and tenderness of the morsel. “But you let me know if there is anything that does not sound appealing to you or makes you . . . never mind we won’t talk about that while we are enjoying this deliciousness. I guess you’ve not experienced morning sickness either?” I shook my head. “You probably don’t want to talk about that right now either. Sorry. I just feel like I’ve missed a lot but I guess it’s only been three days. But since we had been spending every night together, it seemed like a lot longer.”

  She swallowed her bite of potato. “No. I’ve been fine. Not even extra tired or anything. I wasn’t sick with Ben either. Maybe that means it’s a boy.” She rubbed her hand along her belly. “And so far no foods or smells have gotten to me.”

  I placed my hand on top of hers and smiled. “I’m really excited about this. And I think it just means you might have a pretty easy pregnancy. I sure hope so. But I’ll be with you every step of the way. And I’d like to go with you to your doctor visits too, if that’s okay?”

  Her eyes grew watery. “I would love that. I’ll try to schedule them over lunch so you don’t have to worry about missing a lot of work.”

  “Cheeky, I can make up the time. As long as I’m not meeting with a client or in court, I can modify my hours as needed.”

  After we finished eating, we strolled into the living room. But before we sat down, Trinity turned to me. “Do you mind if I shower first? I’d like to wash away the last several days.”

  “You mean you haven’t showered in three days? You smell surprisingly good for that being the case.” I shot her a teasing grin.

  She tossed her hand on her hip. “I think you should be called Cheeky instead of me.”

  “No way. You have the most adorable ass I’ve ever seen.”

  “Your ass is pretty impressive too. For a lawyer.” She twisted on her foot and after grabbing her bag from the entry way, marched back the hall toward my room.

  No, she was the cheeky one. My smile turned devilish. I didn’t mind one bit if she hopped into the shower first. After giving her about a five minute head start, I gradually made my way down to my room. I stripped off my clothes and left them on the bottom of the bed to take care of later. Then I quietly slipped inside the bathroom. Trinity had her eyes closed and her face lifted toward the shower head. The water cascaded down her beautiful body. I stood their stunned for a moment by her gorgeousness. As my eyes traveled the expanse of her skin, I paused on her flat tummy. In a month or so, her belly would grow round with my child growing in there. And speaking of growing, my ever hardening dick stood at attention at the thought of starting a family with Trinity. Hoping not to startle her, I spoke softly. “Can I join you?”

  She jumped slightly and twisted toward the shower door. “Mitch.” Her voice was breathless. “It’s your shower. But thank you for asking. And I would love the company.”

  “With you being pregnant and all, I thought you would need some help in here.” I stepped inside and wrapped my arms around her middle and pulled her back into my body, my cock jutting upward to snuggle along her spine.

  “Just because I’m pregnant I won’t be – ” Her sentence trailed off on a moan.

  I pressed my lips to the side of her neck that wasn’t covered by her hair. “I also thought I’
d help you prove that the bed isn’t the only place we can have sex.” I smirked against her wet skin. But then frowned slightly. “I know we don’t have to worry about pregnancy now but are you okay with not using a condom? I didn’t think of that. I was too busy concentrating on joining you. But I can step out and grab one if you want.”

  “I trust you. And you know I was only with one person. And I went through all of the tests when I had found out I was pregnant. So, no, we don’t need to use one.”

  My dick pulsed in eagerness with the thought of feeling her bare.

  “Someone is happy with that decision.” Her giggle morphed into a groan when I ran my tongue up her neck and then nipped behind her ear.

  “I’m bound to explode as soon as I sink deep inside of you. But I’m going to savor you a bit first. I’ve missed all of you these last few days.” After rubbing gentle circles along her tummy, I ran my hands up to cup her breasts, relishing the feel of them filling my hands. It was probably my imagination but I was certain they had grown since I had last touched them.

  Her body arced, pushing the soft mounds farther into my palms. “I’ve missed your touch, Mitch. I promise I won’t push you away again. It was torture not being with you.”

  Returning my mouth to her ear, I drew the lobe into my mouth and bit down lightly. “I won’t let you do that ever again, Cheeky. I’ll be banging down your door the very first day. That was the only reprieve you’ll get from me. You’re mine now, Trinity.” The seriousness of my words crafted an imposing tone for my voice that could not be mistaken. I had told her before that I was demanding and with her being pregnant I would slightly curb my sexual urges but on this I would not concede.

  She shivered at my threat. “Your words, Mitch, you are going to make me explode.”

  Tracing my tongue back to her neck, I slid one of my hands up to cup her chin, twisting her head to meet my mouth. Pushing my tongue inside, I devoured her mouth as I took her nipple between my finger and thumb and toyed with the pebbled berry.